We Must Ignite This Couch Articles

(Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Season Edition

By Jude

In a little over two weeks, the long off-season of our discontent will be at an end, and our beloved Mountaineers will once again take the field to lay a monumental asswhipping on the poor Wildcats of Villanova.

With so little time before the season is set to start and so many thoughts to get to, it's only reasonable that I unleash a (Couch) Burning Thoughts column at this point.

(Note- I realize that I'm doing this smack in the middle of our spectacular 9-part season preview, but sometimes you just have to get things off your chest.)

- To be fair, Troy and Wyoming WOULD probably beat their ass.

If you're looking for a laugh this morning, check out this article from the Charleston Daily Mail detailing Marshall football players' responses to the Herd being ranked 115th among a possible 119 Division I-A schools by Sports Illustrated.

The only teams ranked below Marshall? Louisiana Lafayette, Florida International, Idaho, and Utah State. SI predicts Marshall's only win of the year will come in its season opener against Division I-AA Illinois State.

For their part, the players fancy themselves comedians as well. Check out this quote from the article by sophomore tailback Darius Marshall:

"As a whole, we're just looking forward to this season and proving a lot of people wrong. We're hoping by the end of the season to be in the Top 25. With the team we have, I don't expect anything less."

The only appropriate picture to follow a Marshall Top 25 prediction.

- I give the NCAA plenty of shit when they get it wrong, so here's some praise for getting it right.

The NCAA decided on Tuesday to grant WVU defensive lineman Pat Liebig a final year of eligibility after he was forced to withdraw from school and the team last year to help his ailing father by assisting with the family business. As noted by the cited article, "The NCAA permits athletes to complete four years of eligibility over a five-year period that begins when the student first enrolls. That meant Liebig's NCAA "clock" expired after the 2007 season."

But the NCAA granted Liebig's appeal nonetheless, showing the sort of kindness and generosity that one would expect from an organization designed to assist student athletes and ensure the integrity of college sports.

All too often, the NCAA goes the other way. (Ask Cincinnati QB Ben Mauk.)

But let's applaud them when they get it right.

- This fulfills our obligation to talk about soccer once this year.

The WVU men's soccer team will start the season ranked #15 in the nation.


- Now we can focus on tougher questions- like why someone would pay 14 dollars for a 12-pack of Bud Light lime when they could just pay 8 dollars for a 12-pack of Bud Light and a 50-cent lime.

A recent scientific study has proven the existence of beer goggles.

From the article:

"A team from the University of Bristol in England conducted a controlled experiment on 84 young heterosexuals, getting half of them tipsy on a drink and asking all of them to rate the attractiveness of people in photographs.

"Both drunk men and drunk women rated the faces as being more attractive than did those who were sober, according to New Scientist magazine."

We did not need scientists to prove the theory of beer goggles.

- Flame retardant couches? Blasphemy!

Check out the odd top article here by the Southwest Research Institute in testing flame retardants.

Couches that burn more slowly? Bullshit, I say.

- Olympics Thoughts

I've been watching the Olympics basically nonstop during my non-working hours lately, so I have a few things to get off my chest.

- Synchronized diving is both the dumbest and most fascinating sport I've ever seen. I get sucked in every time, then I wind up watching for an hour and saying, "What in the hell was THAT?"

- The funniest moment of the games? Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian threw away the bronze medal he won in the Greco-Roman category in disgust in a protest over judging in his semifinal bout.

Apparently he blamed crappy judging for his loss to against eventual gold medal winner Andrea Minguzzi of Italy. While this may not strike you as funny YET, check out the video:

- Allow me to join in the cacophony of voices to say that there is no way in HELL that the Chinese women's gymnastics team was 16 years-old. Those girls couldn't get a library card. I wonder how they found time to practice in between graham crackers and Hannah Montana.

(Update- ESPN.com is reporting that a state-run publication in China reported one of the gymnast's age as 13 years old only one year ago.)

- Forget the men, the USA Women's Basketball is the real Dream Team. Every woman's basketball player I've ever heard of is on that team.

- Regarding Michael Phelps, this seems like a good place to post one of the funniest things I've seen on the Internet in a while, sent to me by PB:

- And finally, not to add too much gas to the fire, but this site struck me as... uh... interesting.

There is actually a website called http://gvz-sucks.com/, which stands for "Greg Van Zandt Sucks.com"

Apparently WVU's baseball coach has made some enemies other than Pat White.

Have a good week, everybody. Make sure to tune in for the Season Preview articles as they come out.

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Poster Thread
Posted: 8/14/2008 12:32 pm  Updated: 8/14/2008 12:32 pm
Here for the Beer
Joined: 8/28/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Posts: 352
 Re: (Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Sea...
The pictures, especially the Micheal Phelps video cracked me up!

The picture with the girl getting more and more attractive really doesn't hit home with me - mainly because I would sleep with the first one (8:00) at 8:01..... To tell you the truth, I would have stopped drinking at 10:00 - dat ho is fine :jerk
Posted: 8/14/2008 1:36 pm  Updated: 8/14/2008 1:36 pm
Joined: 2/17/2008
From: Morgantown, WV
Posts: 36
 Re: (Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Sea...
my wife and i are still cracking up over the phelps video. loved the entire article.
Posted: 8/14/2008 4:28 pm  Updated: 8/14/2008 4:28 pm
Suspected Punter
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Whitesville, WV
Posts: 236
 Re: (Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Sea...
LoL, another great article. I'm glad to see Michael Phelps is not a daddy. On to more important things, as for the "Beer Goggle Theory" article, I would like to quote then respond to this article:

"Dr Munafo said he wanted see whether the "beer goggle theory" still applied when a person was so drunk they could no longer focus on a face, but he was constrained by study ethics."

Screw ethics. I'll volunteer for this experiment.
Posted: 8/14/2008 9:40 pm  Updated: 8/14/2008 9:40 pm
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Boone County, WV
Posts: 12965
 Re: (Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Sea...
I'm not sure what's funnier..the gif or the fact Marshall players think they'll finish in the top 25.
Posted: 8/15/2008 2:25 am  Updated: 8/15/2008 2:25 am
Joined: 7/27/2006
From: Alkol, Lincoln County
Posts: 24871
 Re: (Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Sea...
Forget the men, the USA Women's Basketball is the real Dream Team. Every woman's basketball player I've ever heard of is on that team.

and that video.. that's a no brainer. he cut off his genitalia so he can swim faster.
Posted: 8/15/2008 7:27 am  Updated: 8/15/2008 7:27 am
Makin' it Rain
Joined: 5/14/2008
Posts: 4794
 Re: (Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Sea...
funny...phelps aqua boy....too bad about Turd...I was hoping they would help us out and be sort of good
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:44 pm  Updated: 8/17/2008 6:44 pm
Gettin' Schmitty
Joined: 5/14/2008
From: Almost Heaven, West Virginia
Posts: 6455
 Re: (Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Sea...
Marshall top 25!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 12/2/2008 1:28 pm  Updated: 12/2/2008 1:28 pm
Pitt Hater
Joined: 8/23/2006
From: Morgantown, WV
Posts: 1219
 Re: (Couch) Burning Thoughts- 2 Weeks Before Football Sea...
Jude, Joeserial, where the F have the articles been? not to be a groupie, but I need some reading material from my favorite online editorialists.


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