We Must Ignite This Couch Articles

THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino

By Jude
2011/05/26

***You have entered the Mardi Gras Casino & Resort Chat***

bombs_away_suckas: HIT ME

blackjack_dealer: Um, sir, you have 18 showing...

bombs_away_suckas: HEY LOOK EVERYBODY THE MONGOLOID CAN ADD

bombs_away_suckas: I SAID HIT ME

blackjack_dealer: /deals a 9

bombs_away_suckas: JUMPIN JESUS CHRIST ON A CRUTCH

corporate_fatcat_MAC_donor: hahahahaha this guy is awesome

blackjack_dealer: And you, sir?

Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Oh, I'm just fine and dandy.

blackjack_dealer: But you're showing an 8.

Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Yeah but I don't want to go over so I think I'll just punt it here and see what you get.

blackjack_dealer: Um...

Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Mama always said never butcher 3 hogs when 2 will get ya Sunday dinner and the third one might have The Pig Fever, buddy.

bombs_away_suckas: WHAT THE SHIT DOES THAT MEAN

blackjack_dealer: /has 19, wins

Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Well, shoot. I tell ya, that was a tremendous blackjack game, with a ton of effort on both sides. I'm very emotionally hurt right now, and I think that's a reflection of how hard we competed. A game like that is what blackjack is all about.

bombs_away_suckas: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IS THIS WHAT THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE LIKE?

Dolla_Dolla_Bill: I don't know what you mean.

bombs_away_suckas: /to waitress

bombs_away_suckas: GET ME ANOTHER DOUBLE TURKEY AND PUT SOME LIQUOR IN IT THIS TIME, PRECIOUS

cocktail_waitress: Yes, sir.

bombs_away_suckas: I MEAN YOU GOTTA RISK IT A LITTLE SOMETIMES.

bombs_away_suckas: GO FOR IT ON FOURTH DOWN. DROP 70 ON PITT JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES. CALL THE OTHER COACH A FAIRY. WHATEVER.

Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Hey listen now, sonny. I tell my kids to MATCH THE MOUNTAINS. Jut their JAWS. Bow their BACKS. And those lads leave as CHAMPIONS in their hearts.

bombs_away_suckas: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

bombs_away_suckas: OH IM SORRY I FELL ASLEEP. YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT MATCHING THE MOUNTAINS AND I LOST CONSCIOUSNESS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT.

corporate_fatcat_MAC_donor: OMG this is great

casino_manager: Excuse me, fellas. I'm gonna have to ask that you keep it down over here or I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

bombs_away_suckas: LEAVE?

bombs_away_suckas: LEEEEEEEEEEEEAVE?

bombs_away_suckas: I'M JUST GETTIN WARMED UP IN HERE!

bombs_away_suckas: MAYBE YOU FOLKS HADN'T HEARD BUT I'M THE KING OF MFING WEST VIRGINIA NOW!

bombs_away_suckas: EXALTED RULER OF THE APPALACHIANS! HIGH PRIEST OF THE MOUNTAIN STATE FROM WHEELING OVER TO THE GREENBRIAR AND OVER TO THE EASTERN PANHANDLE WHERE THEY HAVE MORE FINE CASINOS!

blackjack_dealer: You know, there's really more to West Virginia than just the casinos...

bombs_away_suckas: SILENCE, PEON!

bombs_away_suckas: WHEN I WANT YOUR OPINION I'LL ASK YOUR MOM ABOUT IT WHEN I LEAVE HER BEDROOM TOMORROW MORNING

casino_manager: Ok, that's it. You're out of here. The police have been called.

bombs_away_suckas: FINE, FINE. I'LL GO.

bombs_away_suckas: YOU'RE WITH ME, CUPCAKE.

cocktail_waitress: Oh, my!

HuggUlongtime: Hey, I like this guy.
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Poster Thread
msaul37
Posted: 5/26/2011 7:43 pm  Updated: 5/26/2011 7:43 pm
Joined: 7/27/2006
From: Alkol, Lincoln County
Posts: 24646
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
you had me at cocktail waitress
Dan
Posted: 5/26/2011 8:01 pm  Updated: 5/26/2011 8:02 pm
Staff Writer
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: DC
Posts: 414
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
Bravo.
wooddash
Posted: 5/26/2011 8:14 pm  Updated: 5/26/2011 8:14 pm
Pitt Hater
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: Rockville, MD
Posts: 2418
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
Hit Me!
TheMac
Posted: 5/26/2011 11:18 pm  Updated: 5/26/2011 11:18 pm
Grant Ave. Warrior
Joined: 12/1/2010
From: in your head...
Posts: 1190
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
ahaha...u killed it...well done...awesome article
wvuengineer
Posted: 5/27/2011 6:03 am  Updated: 5/27/2011 6:03 am
Pitt Hater
Joined: 2/8/2008
From: Huntington, WV
Posts: 1782
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
Pure genius, as usual.
BeastoftheEast
Posted: 5/28/2011 11:21 pm  Updated: 5/28/2011 11:21 pm
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Boone County, WV
Posts: 12965
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
The whole thing is hilarious but the Huggs appearance is awesome.
titotostito
Posted: 6/1/2011 10:38 am  Updated: 6/1/2011 10:40 am
Gettin' Schmitty
Joined: 1/17/2008
From: Pruntytown, WV
Posts: 6438
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
Glad that Dolla_Dolla_Bill didn't hurt the feelings of his casino friends by running up his score.....or winning.
gaeer
Posted: 6/22/2011 12:54 pm  Updated: 6/22/2011 12:54 pm
Suspected Punter
Joined: 4/5/2009
From: Origin: Ravenswood, WV Now: North Georgia
Posts: 115
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
Well done! Allegorically it is genius!!
rickstr
Posted: 2/6/2012 6:25 am  Updated: 2/6/2012 6:25 am
Noob
Joined: 12/7/2011
From:
Posts: 12
 Re: THE WIRE- Holgorsen in the Casino
Congenial scream!

Best regards, RcSt
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