We Must Ignite This Couch Articles

Maurice Clarett likee the jail-jail.

By Jude
2006/08/09

In news that comes across as more humorous than shocking, Maurice Clarett was arrested Wednesday morning. The circumstances surrounding his arrest get expodentially funnier as you go along, so stick with me.

Here's what happened to the former Buckeye. He:
1) Made an illegal U-turn in the middle of the road,
2) Was pursued in a high-speed chase by cops, both in cars and one in a helicopter,
3) Darted across the median to try to lose them,
4) Ran over a tire strip, blowing out the driver's side tires,
5) Was dragged from the car once it finally stopped and an officer saw a LOADED RIFLE in the passenger seat,
6) Was tasered several times unsuccessfully because he...
7) WAS WEARING A BULLETPROOF VEST
8) So they had to mace him to subdue him,
9) Before SEVERAL officers finally took him into custody, finding FOUR loaded guns in his SUV.
10) Other stuff they found? A half-empty bottle of vodka and "a compact disc of children's songs recorded by Ohio prison inmates that the state distributed last month to prisoners and their families."

Apparently, Mr. Clarett was preparing for the following scenario:
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Dan
Posted: 8/9/2006 4:32 pm  Updated: 8/9/2006 6:12 pm
Staff Writer
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: DC
Posts: 415
 Notice he didn't try to escape on foot?....
Mo Clarrett and his 5.2 40 time would've probably been tracked down by Deputy Dunkin' Donuts.

EDIT: Whoa, I just heard on PTI that they found a HATCHET in his ride as well? Holy Christ, could you ask for more "intent" than loaded weapons, a bulletproof and a freakin tomahawk?
joeserial
Posted: 8/9/2006 4:50 pm  Updated: 8/9/2006 4:51 pm
Staff Writer
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: Elkins
Posts: 1630
 was he on his way to the bengal's camp?
isn't this one of those "go directly to Cincinnati, do not pass go and collect 2 million dollars" deals?

well, it is a given...he should be a Bengal.

and i almost guarantee...he was on his way to visit his buddy:

http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/ap/ny16101062223.widec.jpg
huthut62
Posted: 8/9/2006 8:40 pm  Updated: 8/9/2006 8:40 pm
Suspected Punter
Joined: 2/3/2006
From: Clarksburg, WV
Posts: 247
 lol
navi8orgirl
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:03 pm  Updated: 8/9/2006 9:03 pm
WMITC
Joined: 2/9/2006
From: Houston, TX
Posts: 3724
 Re: was he on his way to the bengal's camp?
Now that is funny!
alfsmith23
Posted: 8/9/2006 11:28 pm  Updated: 8/9/2006 11:28 pm
Here for the Beer
Joined: 2/15/2006
From:
Posts: 316
 Re: was he on his way to the bengal's camp?
lol that is great. him and chris henry would be great friends
BeastoftheEast
Posted: 8/10/2006 1:07 am  Updated: 8/10/2006 1:08 am
WMITC
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Boone County, WV
Posts: 12935
 Re: was he on his way to the bengal's camp?
Hmm looks like I have a new addition to my Corrections Football Fantasy League:

I now have Stan Hill, Chris Henry, Marcus Vick ,Maurice Clarett, and Randy Moss

I should kick the other fantasy teams's arse this year...

My team already leads the league in:
Most cars shot up
Most middle fingers delivered to the opposing teams
Most DUIs
Most traffic cops ramped.
Most legs stomped
Most underaged drinking and partying.
Most underaged girls picked up.

Now if I could trade Bubba and Tay Tay for OJ Simpson I'll be all set.
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