In news that comes across as more humorous than shocking, Maurice Clarett was arrested Wednesday morning. The circumstances surrounding his arrest get expodentially funnier as you go along, so stick with me.

Here's what happened to the former Buckeye. He:
1) Made an illegal U-turn in the middle of the road,
2) Was pursued in a high-speed chase by cops, both in cars and one in a helicopter,
3) Darted across the median to try to lose them,
4) Ran over a tire strip, blowing out the driver's side tires,
5) Was dragged from the car once it finally stopped and an officer saw a LOADED RIFLE in the passenger seat,
6) Was tasered several times unsuccessfully because he...
7) WAS WEARING A BULLETPROOF VEST
8) So they had to mace him to subdue him,
9) Before SEVERAL officers finally took him into custody, finding FOUR loaded guns in his SUV.
10) Other stuff they found? A half-empty bottle of vodka and "a compact disc of children's songs recorded by Ohio prison inmates that the state distributed last month to prisoners and their families."

Apparently, Mr. Clarett was preparing for the following scenario: